Video Game Abominations… Isn’t Happening

Today I must announce the sad news that Video Game Abominations will not be releasing. Video Game Abominations was a satirical encyclopedia filled with all your favorite video game characters. Written and illustrated by myself (Chris Bowring), this was to be Quiet Stories first official book. We launched on Kickstarter in April, with a goal of $15,200 NZD, and as of today, funding ended with $1882 NZD raised (12% of our goal).

Because of the costs of printing and distribution, we will not be able to produce the book, and so apologize to those of you who supported our campaign. We’d also like to thank Easy Allies and What’s Good Games, for promoting the Kickstarter on the following shows.

So what’s next? There is still plenty of content being produced by the Quiet Stories team. You can listen to indie developer interviews on the Fist Fight podcast, read about how games can negatively affect your mental health in our Thoughts About Games series, and you can follow along with the development of our first game (which will continue the art style and humor of Video Game Abominations). For those of you who desperately wanted a copy of the book, we urge you to continue following this blog, because we’re sure we’ll have plenty to excite you with in the coming months. For now we’d like to leave you with this extract, to show you what Video Game Abominations could have been.

Video Game Abominations

By Chris Bowring

“I am in the process of finishing my master’s degree in game design. I’ve studied video games for many years, delving into the nuances of each aspect of development. When submitting my final thesis I wanted to go further than any gamer had gone before. I wanted to write about something that would change the industry forever, and I think I’ve found it.

I’d heard whispers for years, of a strange individual who knew the deepest and darkest secret in all of gaming. Some call him a nut job, others a hermit, but there is also a small group of meme lovers that refer to him as a god. They call him Gabe Mewell.

I spent weeks slowly trudging through the mountains of Steem money to track him down. I eventually found him in a small hut, where he sat alone by a fireplace, a worn down wooden bed, and a high end PC with liquid cooling and a 4K monitor.

It took days for him to speak, but when he finally did it shocked me. He told me his life story. Gabe was a documentarian. He’d spent the early years of his life photographing and documenting the habits of various creatures. Decades ago he set sail, looking for new places to explore and research. He stumbled upon a place he calls, Magnuvox Odyssey. It was there that he found wildlife, advanced technology and entire civilizations that had yet to be discovered by the modern world.

However the majority of what he found disgusted him, constantly calling the creatures he stumbled across, “abominations.”

He returned home to share his findings, but the corporations that funded his trip had other plans. They didn’t think the world was ready to know about these fantastical creatures. However they didn’t want their investment to go to waste. So they took Gabe’s research and turned the creatures into lovable icons for their newest commercial product… video games. Each year they send Gabe back. Each year he returns with new information on wildlife and stories to share.

I could tell Gabe had suffered mentally over the years. When he realized what the corporations were doing, he tried to tell the public the truth… but no one believed him.

I didn’t either, until he handed me this book. The very book you are reading.

My names is Wobbly Poopbelly. This is the story I have been looking for.”

Dr. Wobbly Poopbelly

The Solidd Snake

Scientific Name: Fuckkonamikojimaforlifeicus

Average Height: 3 ft 2 inch

Average Life Span: 28 years

Diet: Nuclear Warheads

Habitat: Heaven

Species: Cloned Humanoid

Discovered by: Scott Jones

Description: The Solidd Snake is a breed of serpent that… wait it’s not actually a snake? He’s an actual person? The Solidd Snake was one of Prey Station Cities military specialists. During 1964 he… wait that’s not him? That’s the guy he was cloned from? There’s how many clones??? OK OK I got. Is there anything else I should know? He what? He fights nuclear bombs? That doesn’t make any sense. How do you fight a nuclear bomb? What else happened? Vampires? A guy who reads your mind? THERE WAS A NAKED GUY FOR A BIT??? Ok let me start this again.

We don’t know all that much about The Solidd Snake. Not many people do. But those who do know his story make sure they tell everyone how cool it is and make you feel ashamed for not knowing it. The only thing we do know for sure, is that The Solidd Snake is very hard to find. Reports say he has been hiding in the same cardboard box for 20 years.

The Maario

Scientific Name: Mariozeplumbersaurus

Average Height: 5 ft 1 inch

Average Lifespan: 33 Years

Diet: Mushrooms

Habitat: Kingdom of Shrooms

Species: Humanoid

Description: The Maario may seem human at first glance, but be warned. Despite being the national animal of The United States of Nentendo of America, this is a highly dangerous species. They reside deep underground in a tunnel network built from green pipes. When they do choose to emerge, they hunt down women (of a princess like beauty) whom they then take down into their tunnel networks and use to breed more of their species. Maarios are only able to produce male offspring. While on these ‘hunts’ they will carelessly crush smaller animals by jumping on their skulls.

It is highly recommended that you avoid the Maario, as it is believed that they may possess some type of psychic ability. Many courageous heroes have fought against these creatures, only to be overwhelmed by nostalgia, in turn giving the creature a free pass to continue on as it pleases. It is said that this ability allows each Maario to live for several generations.

The Pack Man

Scientific Name: Highscorealopicus

Average Height: 8 ft 4 inch

Average Lifespan: 38 Years

Diet: pebbles

Habitat: Arcadia

Species: single-cell organism

Description: The Pack Man is a creature of enormous size and insatiable hunger. Unable to survive more than a few seconds without ingesting its next meal, these omnivores are constantly feeding. However despite the obvious threat they pose, these creatures were used by previous civilizations as entertainment. Placed in mazes, spectators would bet some form of currency over how much food they thought the creature could devour before it died. “How would someone slay a Pack Man?” you might ask. Well the only way to kill a Pack Man is to have it be touched by a ghost. Upon coming in contact with a ghost, the Pack Man is overwhelmed by so much fear, it consumes itself.