Posted in Communicating with the World (Academic), Quiet Stories

How to Impress your Girlfriend’s Parents

During my time studying Communications at AUT, I took a variety of courses. From acting to creative writing, and radio production to game design. However when all four years had past, I came out as an Advertising major.

I’m very proud of all the work I did within the realm of advertising. I wrote TV scripts for make up, re-designed beer bottles, planned public activation’s for grass mats, prototyped apps for youth mental health services and so on.

None of these were made public, and were used purely for academic purposes. However I’d like to share one i’m particularly proud of. A simple TradeMe advertisement for a cup and saucer. It was the first ad I ever wrote.

Product: Bavarian Tea Cup and Saucer

Starting Bid: $10

tea cups

If you’re reading this, you’re screwed.

I’m sure you’re a nice guy, a likable guy. But you have a problem. You’ve got this beautiful girlfriend. She’s sweet, she’s elegant and she can drink you under the table. The perfect girl. But it’s getting serious now. Somehow she has overlooked your flaws and now wants you to meet her parents.

So like I said, you’re screwed. But I can help. Her parents are smart. They’re fancier than you could ever hope to be. But you can do this. Just follow these steps.

Wake up early. Clean up all the stray plates and underwear before they arrive. Kick your flatmates out, ask them to hide their bong. Find a dress shirt. Good. Now find another dress shirt that you didn’t just pick up off the floor. Doorbell. Invite your girlfriend and her parents in. Shake her father’s hand. Ask them if they’d like a drink. They say yes.

Instead of offering a red cup with 2 week old beer and a ping pong ball in it, offer them these cups from Germany. Talk about how they’re from Germany. You’ll look smart. Allow girlfriends parents to admire the beautiful craftsmanship of the cups. You’ll look fancy. Chat about weather. Chat about your job. Chat about how your girlfriend is the beacon of light you needed to guide your life. Try to avoid bringing up the sexual relations you have with their daughter.

Impress her parents. Shake her father’s hand. Impress her. Go to bed. She impresses you.

You’re welcome. Buy me a beer sometime.

Closing Date – Sunday, March 26th 2017, 8:30pm.

Shipping – Courier in NZ $10.00. Courier Rural $16.00. Seller allows pickups. Seller is located in Highland Park, Auckland.

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